Office expects intern to pay $100 for boss' "partner gift," intern doesn't know how to say he can't afford it: 'Gifts should not ever flow upwards. That is a red flag of a twisted culture at best, a toxic one at worst'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 18, 2025 10:00 PM EST

Gifts in the workplace are always a nice idea, but hard to execute in a way that makes everyone feel good. It can be tricky to know what gift to give to whom and when, and it can put some employees in an awkward spot. This is why it's best to leave the gifting up to the company. If whoever is at the top wants to pass gifts downstream, then the more the merrier. But problems arise when a coworker starts to gather up funds for something of their own creation. This is when things tend to get a little dicey. 

It's never a good idea to hit up your coworkers for money, even if it's for a gift for someone else. You never know what someone else's financial reality is, even if you know how much money they make. They might be in debt, have outstanding medical expenses, or be otherwise financially responsible for others in ways that you might not be. Everyone has a different budget, and it's not anyone's business to check in on anyone else's. You certainly shouldn't expect them to have a spare $100. 

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  • A woman looks at analytics on an intern's computer.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • But that's what happened in this story when an intern was asked for a little more money than they were comfortable forking over. Even worse, it was for a gift for someone who assuredly makes a lot more money than they do. So they wondered if they could find a way to say no without everything going haywire. 

  • My work expects me to contribute to a "partner gift" but I have no money.

    I have been working at this company for about a year and a half as an intern, and I start full time in January. I'm in school still. Last year when this happened they said not to worry about it, so I assumed that it would be the same for this year because I am still in the same financial situation. However, today the receptionist asked me if I could have it by Thursday. I asked how much, and she said $100.
    via u/Nintendoplease
  • I don't have that, like at all. I had to use coin star to put gas in my car yesterday. This company has been really good to me, and i genuinely would like to contribute. I just cannot. I don't want to make myself look bad to them because I am starting full time there so soon, and they have treated me really well. How do I handle this?
    via u/Nintendoplease

  • Commenters came in with their thoughts.

    VFTM A gift for the BOSS??? I wouldn't even feel guilty about laughing in her face. Say it's not in your budget.
    via u/VFTM
  • A boss looks over figures with a male intern.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • oldmomlady3 Oh hell no. "I cannot afford to contribute." Matter-of-fact and pleasant but full stop. This is atrocious. Gifts should only flow downward. I would be MORTIFIED to learn that my team members gave me such an expensive gift, let alone a freaking intern?? No way.
    via u/oldmomlady3
  • CeeceeATL What is this? Partner gift? If this is for a boss/manager, that is VERY tacky of them. As an intern, you shouldn't have to contribute anything. I would politely decline and say you are very sorry but unable to contribute.
    via u/CeeceeATL
  • Just curious - is this internship monitored thru a school or is there an 'intern' point person? Also I am wondering if some - idiot just decided that EVERYONE should contribute without really having the authority to mk that decision.
    via u/CeeceeATL
  • Nintendoplease OP It's a small company (15 ish people) so no HR or anything like that. I got hired through my school, but it's isn't through my school if that makes sense. I think the receptionist handles it all. I don't know how they decide to do the gift, but I know it's the same every year.
    via u/Nintendoplease
  • LazyKoalaty So the boss gets a $1400 gift every year???
    via u/LazyKoalaty
  • Nintendoplease OP Well there's four of them so probably closer to $300 each
    via u/Nintendoplease
  • CeeceeATL I live in the South too, and just so you know - this is toxic. In my experience - It sounds like the receptionist likes organizing things like this, so she looks good for the boss lol. However you don't want to burn bridges, so I would just provide a simple 'sorry, I am not able to contribute'
    via u/CeeceeATL
  • Minute_Marzipan4... Just be honest with them. Tell the receptionist that you don't make enough right now to contribute.
    via u/Minute_Marzipan4597
  • regassert6 Gifts should not ever flow upwards. That is a red flag of a twisted culture at best, a toxic one at worst. If they were treating you "well" you'd have extra money. But you'd still be in the right to refuse to contribute to this gift. Tell them you can't as nicely as you wish.
    via u/regassert6
  • FI1925 Just say no I don't have that kind of money right now. What a scam.
    via u/FI1925
  • Longjumping-Tric... What the hell? A partner gift? You buy the boss a gift collectively? Are you receiving a $100 gift also? Absolutely under no terms do gifts go upwards... Basically have to kiss management's ass like you're saying thanks for employing me... here's some of the money I work for.
    via u/Longjumping-Trick-71
  • The blue collar sector with pizza, wings and bosses. handing out gift cards to the guys sounds better than office life.... I'm not sure why offices seem to think upgifting should be a norm...
    via u/Longjumping-Trick-71
  • Known_Ratio5478 I've been at my new job for less than a year and every time I turn around there's a collection for something.
    via u/Known_Ratio5478
  • alwaysonestepto... That's a shitty position to be put in, a lot of people my age and older dont get how hard it is for young people and assume you are all just bad with money/life management and refuse to look at the facts.
    via u/alwaysonesteptoofar
  • What really makes this awful is that it feels like they expected you to budget for this at the most expensive time of year, so hopefully you can go and privately speak with the organizers and explain your financial situation and how you will be more stable once you begin full time next month.
    via u/alwaysonesteptoofar
  • NaughtySnug it's stressful when workplace expectations clash with your budget, especially as a student. The best approach is honesty with tact. You can politely explain your financial situation, emphasizing your excitement about starting full time and your appreciation for the company. Most colleagues will understand that $100 is simply out of reach, and it shows responsibility, not ingratitude.
    via u/NaughtySnug
  • FalseAd4246 Never use coinstar they take 12 percent of the coins
    via u/FalseAd4246
  • PhDTARDIS My boss at my last job said gifting bosses is deplorable, you only gift those at your level and below. It was the first time I'd ever heard a boss say it and he insisted that it was covered in etiquette books. I never read that in any of mine, but his rationale is that the boss has more, and expecting gifts. from those below them is rude.
    via u/PhDTARDIS
  • catjuggler From an intern? lol just say no
    via u/catjuggler
  • Please DontBanMe82 You just say 'no'. Simple as that. No explanation needed. If they press further, say you only buy gifts for close family and friends, not coworkers.
    via u/PleaseDontBanMe82

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boss company politics gifts office work intern christmas gifts Office money
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